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So my wife and I just had our 5th child. (there's a joke in that alone)  She was nearly 2 weeks late when she finally went into labor.  The day before we had the baby, she had a doctor's appointment.  The doctor informed us that the office policy is to not let a pregnancy go past 42 weeks.  In spite of our protests about wanting it to occur naturally, they insisted and scheduled an induction 2 days later.  As the doctor left the room, I said "This is just forced induction!"

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True story:

When I was growing up, 1 of my siblings told my dad that all their friends get an allowance, and ask him "why don't we?"

He responded with "Some kids you have to pay to be good, but you kids are good for nothing."

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I have just finished interviewing a young man for a job at my workplace.

I asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"

"I'm not sure, but I do an amazing Bohemian Rhapsody!" he replied.

I hired him on the spot.

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In other news, Vietnam has announced that they're going back to the old names for places like Ho Chi Minh City.

 

They've decided to let Saigons be Saigons.

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Racecar spelled backward is racecar.

 

Racecar upside down is expensive.

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What's the difference between a golf ball and a Ford?

 

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

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Back when we were developing the Viper and working on sealing water leaks in the trunk and soft top, someone brought up a story of how MB tests their trunks for sealing.

"If you throw a cat in the trunk, close the decklid. and it's dead the next morning, the trunk was sealed up good."

We tried it on the Viper, and when we came back the next day, the cat was gone.

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And another one from those days:

"What do a Chrysler B-van and a Jehova's Witness have in common?"

"You can't slam the door on either one of them!"

(The van's sliding door was notorious for binding or falling off the tracks.)

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5 hours ago, mcoppola said:

Back when we were developing the Viper and working on sealing water leaks in the trunk and soft top, someone brought up a story of how MB tests their trunks for sealing.

"If you throw a cat in the trunk, close the decklid. and it's dead the next morning, the trunk was sealed up good."

We tried it on the Viper, and when we came back the next day, the cat was gone.

I worked as a shop foreman for MB when they owned Chrysler and used a variation of this same joke (the cat was alive but unconscious). :)

Edited by mender
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