Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites him.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie 'Bambi'
and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what
is natural. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote
and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State
$200 testing it for diseases. The Governor goes to hospital and spends
$3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting
his bite wound bandaged. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months
while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area
is now free of dangerous animals. The Governor spends $50,000
in state funds implementing a 'Coyote Awareness Program' for residents
of the area. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better
treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the
world. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional
special training on the nature of coyotes. PETA protests the coyote's
relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog. The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.  The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.



And that, my friends, is why California is broke, and Texas is not.

Edited by mender
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? 

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude." 

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be a politician"

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

  • Like 2
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I was at the bank the other day and I got to chatting with one of the tellers which led to her telling me the following story:


Teller: "When you present your access card and pin, your profile comes up with your account information.

A couple days ago, a lady was in doing her banking and the screen pops up with 100, that means she is 100 years old!!"


Teller's interaction with the lady follows;


Lady: "Do you know what I did today?"


Teller: "No, what?"


Lady: "I went and renewed my passport" 

Lady: She slaps the counter-top and says " and I told them to give me the 10 year one!"


Edited by thomasp
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He said, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? I could be a serial killer."
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the same car would be astronomical.
  • Like 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo, New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.


Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."


One week later, a local newspaper in Calgary, Alberta reported, "After digging 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Carstairs, Alberta, Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Alberta had already gone wireless."


Just makes a person proud to be Albertan...

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...